I recently was called selfish by a friend because I wanted to use my resources to pay for a flight that I need this week. I wanted to ask my parents because that is the only thing that I need for Christmas. They have been asking me what I want and I keep saying I don't know. I don't need any clothes or any thing else. It would really help me for them to pay for my plane ticket. I need to fly out this Friday and it's now Tuesday and I haven't talked to them about it, because I allowed my friend's comment to make me feel bad about myself and the choice that I had made. I'm not sure if they will even say yes.
Her comment got me to thinking.
Her comment had me sad for a second until I realized that I should never feel bad for using the resources that I have available when I need them.
Then I also realized that just because she labels me as selfish doesn't mean that I am. Just because she says that I haven't grown in that area doesn't mean that I haven't. At the end of the day, she is entitled to her opinion but I don't ever have to accept her opinion about my life.
I am what I say I am.
The Universe/God then sent me a message.
I was watching the red table talk with Jada Pinkett Smith about forgiveness. I got a message from that. Jada and her brother were talking about their father. Jada stated that her father's journey was not about being her father. Her father's journey just so happened to include giving her life but not to be her dad.
"My father was a person first with his own journey." - Jada. She was also talking about titles and labels. "We get so caught up in these titles and these labels, of what people are supposed to be."-Jada.
Her brother then says, "How arrogant of us to believe that we know who someone is supposed to be or supposed to do."
That statement right there was the message from the Universe/God.
We label and attach titles to people and then we assign them ways that they are supposed to act or to be. We may do this consciously or subconsciously. I'm guilty of this.
For example, some patients have an idea of how a nurse is supposed to act. One patient told me that nurses are supposed to be direct and to the point and not smile too often. That was one patient's expectation of nurses. I've learned that every nurse is different and that is good.
What I also gathered from this was that every one has their own journey in life. Some people are here to help others and some people are here to receive that help from those people. No one owes you anything but if they are willing and able to help you, why not take the help. I have a problem asking people for help. In high school, I almost flunked out of trigonometry because I didn't want to ask for help. I believed that I should be able to do it for myself. Math was my favorite subject. My teacher and my parent's forced me to get a tutor and it helped.
For example, a person might have a business idea but not the money to get the business started. They might have to go to a bank and get a loan. The person can also choose to work extra at work until they have the money. That person might also have a family member that is willing and able to loan or give them the money. Either choice that they make, they are just using the resources available to them. What ever choice that that person makes, they should not allow other people's opinions to dictate their choice. Some people believe that a person should be independent and not ask anybody for anything.
I've heard people say pull yourself up by your own boot straps. Meaning do what you need to do but don't ask for help. You can do it yourself. Sometimes you can't do it by yourself. For example, a recording artist goes on a tour, they need other people to help them. The recording artist can't perform on stage and work the lights and sound system at the same time. They need other people to help with that.
I spent many years of my life living how other people wanted me to live. I knew all along what I was meant to do but I wanted other people's approval. I wanted other people to like me. I had to get clear by meditating, praying, and listening for the answers. When I did that I knew that I also had to let go of other people's opinions. I still listen to other people's advice but I now know that I don't have to take that advice or do what others want me to do, if it doesn't feel right to me.
There is freedom when you don't live your life based on other people's opinions. I am responsible for my own feelings. My friend didn't make me feel bad, I chose to feel bad. So I had a talk with my life coach and I let go of the negative feelings that I had. I made the decision to use my resources and not to feel bad about it.
Towards the end of the red table talk, Jada says that she needed to, "focus on what is going well, instead of what is going wrong."
That is a lesson that I am learning.
My alopecia is still there. The hair is growing back and the bald spot has gotten bigger. I am grateful for the hair that I have on my head and that my hair is growing back. I'm choosing to focus on the positive. I have alopecia but alopecia will not make me stop living my life.
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At the end of the show, Jada's brother says that, "love is everything."
That resonated with me because it is. When I really fell in love with myself, then I became more compassionate, loving, caring, and kinder to other people.
I appreciate what my friend had to say. She was saying that not to make me feel bad but to help me grow. I also know that I can use my resources that I have available. Another example, this Monday, I was going to wash my hair. In the morning, my mom texted me and asked if I wanted her to wash my hair. Of course, I said yes. After my grandmother died, my mom did my hair until I was about 29 or 30. I am not ashamed of that. I was using the resources available to me.
Don't be ashamed or feel bad for asking or needing help. Asking for help is being strong enough to recognize that you need help. In life sometimes a person may need financial, emotional, psychological, or physical help. I asked for help with my eating disorder and I don't regret it.
I challenge any one struggling with asking for help or the opinion of others, to just listen to your own wisdom or intuition. That is the Universe/God talking to you. That will never steer you wrong because it knows exactly what you need. No one whether its a family member, friend, doctor, or co worker ever knows every thing that you need. They mean well but you have to do what is right for you. They may now some things but not every thing.
I challenge you to use your resources and not to feel ashamed or less than for it.
Update: I asked my parents and they helped me out. I understand no one owes me anything in life. Sometimes everyone needs a little help. If I don't ask then the answer will always be no.